Finding Happiness In Traveling

 

Depression isn’t always feeling deep sadness. Sometimes it’s watching urself lose interest in everything you love and not being able to do anything about it.

Today I came across this tweet on Twitter that brought back memories of my struggles from years ago.

When I was in elementary school, my parents used to travel a lot with me, but as I grew up, they got busy with life. I understood that our expenses were increasing and my parents had to make a living, but by the end of elementary school until I was in high school, we didn't have any family vacations. I remember feeling left out when my classmates would talk about the places they visited during summer break. This drove me to always dream about travelling.

When I started college, I began to realize that dream. I moved to a big city and had a larger allowance. I saved everything I could for my travel fund, and sometimes I received extra money from relatives, which I also put into the fund.

College was stressful for me; I went to school seven days a week. However, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of travelling. On holidays or days when I wasn't too tired, I would go to Escolta or Binondo and walk as far as my feet would take me. I wasn't looking for anything specific, but I was living my dream, and that made me happy.

By 2018, I was feeling lost and demotivated. Happiness seemed fleeting, so I flew to Taiwan with my friends for a week, hoping to feel happy and start anew.

On my first day in Taiwan, I cried on top of a bridge in the middle of nowhere. I remember screaming that I wouldn't cry again and that I would find my happiness. I was overwhelmed and scared because I couldn't feel anything. Although things that used to make me happy still made me smile, the feeling of happiness wasn't there; I was numb. I wondered how I could continue with life without that push.

I had hoped that my trip to Taiwan would be like Eat, Pray, Love, where I would find enlightenment and figure out what was wrong with me. However, I was still numb after the trip, and for a while, I regretted going. I continued to cry a lot after the trip, and my life continued to spiral downward. It took almost two years for happiness to slowly creep back into my life, but I am grateful that it did.

I plan to go back to Taiwan this year for the New Year's, but this time, I'm not seeking happiness; I'm bringing happiness with me. :)