Heartwarming Coldness

The way the air whipped my hair in the middle of foggy March did not compare to the goose bumps it left on my skin.

Universities. Liberation. Parents. For months, we’ve been bickering on and off about which university, which course and which dorm. Graduation and Senior’s night were just around the corner to make the matters worse.

Wit unto wit. Reason unto reason. The struggle was hard. My long fingernails dug into my palm at the continuous clenching and unclenching of fists. I bit my lips until they were pale - a habit I acquired throughout the years of teenage awkwardness versus traditional parents. I chewed on them too.

Thanks a lot to Philippines for being a Christian country, almost every establishment are closed during Holy Week and all flights to and fro are fully booked. I was running late. I was supposed to be at Manila by the first of April!  My parents are frantic. They scurried from home to school and back. My required documents were barely finished. Mom lashes out at every incompetent employee.

“I will attend NSPC [National Schools Press Conference] and win!” I am a newbie feature writer and this is my mantra.

I looked forward to where we were heading. My eyes were focused and unwavering. I’m not about to stop just when I’m already near the peak. I had worked hard for this for 4 years!

It was pure luck, most people told me, when I made it to the Nationals. It was my first time to enter the DSPC (Division Schools Press Conference) or any writing contest outside of the school’s premises. I barely made it!

I could hardly make out the shapes I saw on the road. Everything was dark but this curve was familiar. I grew up often travelling these roads. We were passing by Lake Lahit, 10 minutes more or less to our destination. Just like the road we were travelling on, my future was hazy. I am not sure of where this decision might take me but for now, I am choosing this path. I am choosing this path and hopefully praying that my documents will make it in time for my enrolment.

The coldness in Lake Sebu is incomparable to any other place in the region. I clutched my jacket close to my body. Along with the wisps of air for every post we passed was the creeping of doubt.

“What if something goes wrong? What if I can’t make it in time? What if…? What if…?” What ifs of negativity filled my head. I bit my quivering lip and clasped my pale hands together.

As the car passed Lake Sebu’s biggest lake, the moon’s luminescence slowly kissed its way up the surface. Doubt was eating me up! I felt like scratching myself just to stop the feeling. My hands trembled.

My decision for college would shape my future and what I will become. I could not just give it up for journalism nor can I just give up journalism for college. I will find a way to finish my requirements and at the same time attend NSPC. I MUST find way. 

I embraced myself. I tuned out the noises. My face scrunched up in concentration. Breathe in. Breathe out. I tried hard… but it was just too hard to the point that it hurt!

Everything was ripping me apart! College. Friends. Teachers. Parents. Most of all, it was the pressure that in a week I would have to fend for myself. I was afraid of the hunger, the loneliness, and the hardships of an unknown place. I prefer the comfort of familiarity but then… what is comfort if it will only be temporary?

Honk! I snapped out of my reverie at the blaring of the horn. I was now at Lake Sebu National High School. In front of the car was the gleam of my adviser’s head. As I got out of the car and trekked my way up the school, I heard my father shout, “Good luck anak! Galingan mo!”

I looked back, and watched as our car backed out of the driveway. In a blink, all doubts were gone. I am still on the edge about my college application but I am here now at the journalism training camp. I am here now. I am here, 30 kilometers from my comfort zone and just where I am supposed to be. My heart warmed at the realization of that cold night.

// Travelogue. Real life experience. Edited version.  Some part were tweaked.

I actually submitted this to a news website. They said they published it but I couldn't find it~ >.<

I'm gonna try my luck with Inquirer's Young Blood next time :D